- (I’m running errands for my pregnant wife. While walking to a nearby store, I see two teenagers harassing a child that is only four or five years old. I shoo them away from the boy, and he introduces himself.)
- Me:“So, where’s your mom at?”
- Boy:“She’s in the store. Do you have kids?”
- Me:“Not yet. We’re expecting a baby girl soon, though.”
- Boy:“Well, she’s going to turn out nice, like you! So, I’m going to marry her someday!”
- (I laugh, and play along while I bring him to the service desk, and wait until his mom picks him up. Six years later, my daughter comes home from school and introduces us to a friend that defended her against a bully on the playground. I didn’t recognize him, but he certainly knew who I was!)
Why do some couples make their status “single” every time they fight. I don’t put “orphan” when I get into fights with my parents.
SHES MY FAVORITE OH MY GOD
Look, if you nicely tell me that swearing makes you uncomfortable and you politely ask me not to, I will stop immediately and speak nicer than a nun.
But if you start acting like you’re on some fucking high horse, or telling me that I’m going to Hell for talking the way that I do and you can’t “be around that kind of language” then you can bet your motherfuckin’ ass that I’ll be fucking cussing like a cunt-fuckin’ sailor you maggot-ridden piece of dick.
Tree struck by lightning caused the bark to explode, effectively stripping the tree
nothing gets me hotter than a good old strip treese
r u kidding me